Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Now that I am not young...

Now that I am not young, life feels no less intense than before but at the same time more balanced, too. "To every thing there is a season," we read today at a funeral for a 97 year old woman. And as this season ripens into late summer - with fresh tomatoes and cucumbers from our garden - there is time to savor the day. David Brooks wrote about being "summoned" by life this morning in the New York Times. He contrasted "a summons" as distinct from a "calling" -and it is a valuable insight: a summons involves our response to our context rather than imposing our will upon history. Both have their place, these summons and calls, but a summons feels more healthy to me now that I am not young...

After band practice tonight (we're practicing U2's "One" as a special gift for folks on Sunday) my wife sat down to play the piano. Practice was sweet - working out harmonies new and old for this powerful song of longing and solidarity was energize and grounding - and I feel blessed to be a part of a band that recognizes the spiritual within the songs we share. So, as Dianne played a jazz setting of "Abide With Me," I found myself rereading this new poem by Coleman Barks. (You may know Barks as the finest English interpreter of Rumi; he is also a fine poet all on his own, too.) He, too, knows something about being not young...

They belong with this piece of land as much as I do.
I have lived here since 1968. They since ... do we know?
Wonder what the Cherokee word for their flickering selves
is, and back beyond that, the shell-circle builder's word?
Five thousand years.

They were one of the first things—
the second after fall color, and third after twilight
April-gold—that I tried to write down
the beauty of and my love for,
at twelve years old.

So I come back around here at near the end
to the same subject—
rather the same flying lights, different subject.

That first lightning bug poem was about
the disillusionment of wanting to collect,
to bottle up in a mason jar such fascinating beauty.

Every child knows the mess of that.
You catch thirty in a jar and take them home.
They stop going on and off. They glow up, stay on,
melt together, die, turn black, and smell bad.

You throw them out, a cliché for the consequences
of possessive desiring. Their beauty needs
to stay free to overwinter in the ground,
as does mine.

I have identified two young volunteer trees
growing in my yard as black locusts.
The hill I grew up on was called Locust Hill
because a grove of these grew on the side of it.

That was the dell where we children
ran after lightning bugs, little poets looking
for the right word, letting them light
on the backs of our hands, then scintillate
off, which is all they do for the fourteen days
of their short lives, with surely some sleep.

They want, and they want.
They look and flash and fly to mate,
trying to prolong the lineage that brought them here,
these spark-figurations sacred to Orpheus,
that somehow are related to orphans and doves,
and sisters to the rain-golden mist over the ocean
with the sun going down that we call the Pleiades.

People have looked up at night, and out, and down,
and told stories about stars and lightning bugs
in this vanishing of our longing and those lights.

Every life is incomplete,
with much left undone, half-done.
I mourn the paucity of lightning bugs
in the air of this earth-patch yard.
They have dwindled noticeably the last forty years.
Maybe in twenty more they will come back strong,
even more numerous than they were in the 1940s.

Maybe this is not part of the big dying-out going on,
polar bears, frogs, rainforest,
red wolf and gray fox, but it probably is.

Nobody knows what to do.
We are waiting to be told.
Anything, we will try it,
even driving our cars less.
The alder tree is also sacred to Orpheus.
I love to write inside an overarching creeksound
on the bank where the alder lives,
with a black tupelo and a Carolina silverbells.

My grandson Woody
fell in love with a pine cone once in Yosemite.
By statute, you are not allowed to carry anything out of the park,
but no one, not even the ranger, could separate that young man
from the single pine cone almost as big as his head
he had chosen for his soul to feast upon.

They open, you know, as roses do, pine cones,
from being tightly wrapped in themselves
to being how we all might become
this very moment, pointy, sinewy,
and ready for the fire of someone else's presence.

4 comments:

Dianne said...

I love that poem. Here's another one, by Luljeta Lleshanaku:

"Narration in the Third Person"

It begins
when she searches in the darkness
for her likeness, a line of verse awaiting its end rhyme
or for a little music, or the exchange of carbon dioxide between flowers in the evening
the feeling of turning forty.
And it is just a matter of style
the manner in which she finds herself
because no clashes, no noise at all is expected any longer
the hardest hits already taken
like a statue that's lost its nose.

A forty-year-old woman
is a shadow in search of an object
a voice in the third person, a series of lessons
with little notes written in red, underlined
along the right margin. The space between lines is flesh, is someone
in the waiting room behind a dentist's door
where the stench of arsenic
comes and goes.
Experience, experience, experience!
Little zigzags and a sense of accomplishment
with which the silkworm gnaws the mulberry leaf
starting from the tip.

She makes peace with everything: she keeps her drawers tidy,
practices yoga,
the takeoffs and landings
on the runway of her soul.

When she approaches forty
or better yet, if she approaches forty,
because being forty isn't required
it's her choice
like choosing a park bench
that faces away from the street
waiting for no one in particular.

RJ said...

partners... yes?

Peter said...

May I? :

SHODO OF FIFTEEN YEARS’ MARRIAGE

my lover strips
in deft movements
like those of a
master calligrapher,
her body writing
haikus of surrender
on the parchment
of sunlit morning,
poetry acquiescent
of age and gravity;

our lives
once endless scrolls
on which our bodies’ pens
inked characters of
discovery,
passion,
rage,
foreboding,
joy,
time whetted our lives
at first,
then episodes
shrivelled,
fell away as stories
littering our journey,
parings of memory
like unpractised strokes;


now our cluttered scrolls
cannot contain
the verse required of them
before a
concluding character
hinted in our
bodies’
signatures of years
may be written;
stroke by stroke
we pen
our biographies
as memory
inks our epitaphs,
parts scribbled,
parts gracefully penned,
and sometimes
the rare juncture
of paper
burst by
character of splendour,
wisdom’s skin kissed
by sunlight,
the instant ambushed
by joy.

--© 1999 Peter Fergus-Moore

RJ said...

soooo sweet, peter, yes! this is a great little married poem collection already... what comes next?

lent four: god so loved the kosmos...

Text: John 3: 14-21: And just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes i...