Being the oldest child...

There is a blessing and burden to every birth order, yes? For years I have been tortured over being the oldest of six children: sometimes I fled my crazy family and sometimes I engaged it with both anger and shame and a little love. But more often than not now that I am older - and some of my loved ones have died and we all have mellowed - I find that most of us have just done the best we could at the time. No more, but certainly no less. What's more, now I get to enjoy being the oldest as my sisters and I tell old stories and heal old wounds.

Today was another round of doctor appointments and errands at the bank and hardware stores.
And as I loaded my dad's wheelchair in and out of the car, I was humbled in a gentle way thinking, "No matter how angry this old fool has made me... he, too, did the best he could at the time."

Meister Eckhardt once said, "Reality is the will of God - it can always be better - but we must start with what is real." And there has been pain here - dysfunction and disease, too - and it has all been very real for way too long, but there is also grace and humor and deep affection as well - and I am grateful for the time we have shared over these past few days. I know that I will remember these far more than the others... like Carrie Newcomer says so well.

credit: Gathering of Spirits @ www.ilike.com/artist/Carrie+Newcomer/album/The+Gathering+Of+Spirits