Back from Tucson... and grateful

We returned late last night from what turned out to be a lovely WORKING time away in Tucson. The sun was incredible and totally renewing - my experience with dear friends at the wedding (and at other get togethers) was sweet and satisfying - and my encounter with our still speaking God was fascinating. And I think THAT is what hit me most profoundly about this time away: the confirmation in SPADES that our calling to the Berkshires is not only right and important for us and the congregatipm but also the unusual way this was reinforced.

First, let me simply state: I LOVE Tucson. I love the mountains, I love the desert, I love the blending of cultures, I love the Mexican food, I love the laid back nature of the the border culture, I love the Chicago Bar and I love our friends in the church. AND it is no longer home for either Dianne or myself. To be honest, I was often surprised at how this insight came back to me over and over again during our six days away (really only 4 given two full days of travel.) To be sure, right after Palm Sunday last year I understood my ministry to be shifting here - growing deeper and more intimate - but this kept washing over me all the time we were away.

Second, I was really blown away by how this "God is still speaking" stuff continues to take on new meanings for me. In the beginning I thought the whole "God is still speaking" was mostly a catchy and creative way of making a distinction between fundamentalism and a more creative Christianity. But as our time in Tucson made clear, it is far more than a mere marketing "gimmick" - for if a person is watching and listening carefully - then the "still speaking voice" of the One who is Holy can be discerned. I guess I am a recent convert of what might be called a "God is still speaking" spirituality.

+ For example, I kept finding myself missing and praying for my church folk back in Pittsfield while walking around in Tucson. Hmmmm... don't get me wrong: I was LOVING the sunshine and the whole easy-going ambiance, but my heart was back in the Berkshires.

+ Then there were the times that while talking about some of the on-going conflicts with loved ones in my former congregation, the thought kept popping up: "God this is just relentless... no wonder I was exhausted and had to move on!" (Believe me, I am praying BIG TIME for the new senior minister: he's got his hands full!)

+ And then I just missed the seasons of New England - and the energy - and the individuals with whom I have cast my lot in our church renewal experiment - and the love I share with and for them. Not that I don't still cherish many of my old Tucson buddies, but I am not emotionally or spiritually invested in them cuz... I'm not their pastor. I am the spiritual shepherd of a new flock - in the Berkshires - and while I have known this professionally for almost three years it came home to me in spades during this trip away. (I know, I know... I am a really slow-learner.)

And then, while driving back from the Albany airport at 1:30 am last night, there was that growing appreciation for the small town but highly cultured/intellectual environment of the Berkshires... or my calling to help strengthen and grow a new and creative way of being the church is this part of the country... or the connection I feel with those whom I have come to trust, embrace and honor with affection.

+ One of the truths that I reclaimed while away this past week is that my heart is essentially that of a pastor - I celebrate rock and roll - I adore study - and I am deeply committed to advancing the cause of social justice. But when it comes to ministry, I have no room for ideology. I just lead with the heart - and I don't have a lot of patience for those in ministry who begin with a soap box of either the left or the right.

+ What's more, I see the essence of ministry as compassion and paying attention. I don't always get this right, but that was what I kept hearing over this time away, too: mostly the people of God need someone to share their wounds and remind them of God's loving presence by mostly just showing up. Is it too dramatic to say that I felt a renewed sense of how important this is not only to my ministry, but also to the people I love and serve?

Well, I am grateful for the gift of being away with sweet friends in the sweet, sweet sun - and I give thanks to God for hearing some of the still speaking small voice of the One who is Holy. And now... on to the rest of Lent... which rather feels like this to me right now.

photo credits: dianne de mott