The memories of Christmas past...

Putting up the tree - decorating the shrubs with lights - and literally hauling out our suitcase of Advent/Christmas music ushers in a rush of memories of Christmas past. Mine are mostly gentle and loving, but that is not the case with everyone. There is reason why Advent is a time of the blues for so many, yes? Through years of quiet meditation, therapy, prayer and the blessings of time most of the painful memories of Christmas past have been resolved for me. Wise old New England Frederick Buechner put it like this:

I am inclined to believe that God's chief purpose in giving us memory is to enable us to go back in time so that if we didn't play those roles right the first time around, we can still have another go at it now. We cannot undo our old mistakes or their consequences any more than we can erase old wounds that we have both suffered and inflicted, but through the power that memory gives us of thinking, feeling, imaging our way back through time we can at long last finally finish with the past in the sense of removing its power to hurt us and other people and to stunt our growth as human beings.

This sacred work of time and memory and resolution has no obvious time table. Just because I want someone else to "get over it," neither means I'm right or their ready. And while some do become addicted to their wounds - and those wounded identities - time and grace move in their own unique and holy ways, so it is best for me to be silent - even as a pastor. I know that is true as a father (even if I don't always get it right.) Brother Beuchner continues:

The sad things that happened long ago will always remain part of who we are just as the glad and gracious things will too, but instead of being a burden of guilt, recrimination and regret that make us constantly stumble as we go, even the saddest things can become, once we have made peace with them, a source of wisdom and strength for the journey that still lies ahead. It is through memory that we are able to reclaim much of our lives that we have long since written off by finding that in everything that has happened to us over the years God was offering us possibilities of new life and healing which, though we may have missed them at the time, we can still choose and be brought to life by and healed by all these years later.

This is one of the reason why I remain so fiercely "incarnational" in my theology: God becoming flesh in Christ Jesus speaks to me of the deep healing that the Lord continues to offer through both time and memory. Like Bono said: Grace trumps karma... and I am grateful.