This morning I moved away from my worship notes a bit and spoke about how I have come to realize that I pray a lot through my tears. Yes, I know that I had a section in my worship notes about that this week, but I went deeper today for two reasons:
+ First, I have been weeping more than ever this weekend. On Friday we
had a chill day and then skyped with Jesse and Mike as we watched our new grandson, Louis, and the tears just wouldn't stop. I wasn't sobbing, mind you, just rejoicing as I was full to over flowing with the beauty of this young family. (I told the church this morning about how I delivered Jesse and how she was the one who transformed my belief from abstract ideas about God to deep faith.)
+ Second, we've been trying to introduce dear Lucie to more and more people this week - working on her socialization - and she has been soooo freakin' good. Tuesday night we brought her to band and choir practice, on Thursday I brought her to some meetings and conversations, on Saturday we took her with us to our friend's farm and today it was show and tell at worship. And while she was nervous and very cautious - always alert - she was poised and tender, too. She hung right by my side (and cherished Di's attention, too) as I introduced her to the congregation saying: "Two weeks ago, Lucie wanted to meet you during worship but we had to be away... so ever since she's been asking me when she could come to church, so today is the day!"
At this moment in my life, I find I have less and less patience with things that suck my energy into negativity. No, I really just want to love the folk who celebrate grace, talk with the people who want/need to go deeper and honor all that is sacred. Both my grandson, Louis, and dear Lucie are excellent teachers for me at this stage in life: the time has really come to just let the bullshit go and strengthen the love that remains!
A select group of us will head off to Cleveland on Wednesday for a jazz and liturgy workshop. It will be fun to share my old stomping grounds with my new church friends - and we may have a chance to visit with my old church members, too. We will learn together - and think deeply - and share from our hearts. We'll hear some good jazz and take some time to care for one another around good mid-Western food and wine before heading back into the ever-emerging New England winter that is just around the corner. My heart feels like autumn and that first winter storm will be a blessing...
When I first started in ministry I had so much to prove - I guess that is true for all of us - but now (at this phase of life) I don't have anything to prove. I just want to love and share creativity and nourish grace while strengthening truth, goodness and beauty. Today felt right in every way, so... I think I'll take a little nap with my puppy and then make supper for my honey!
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe put it like this:
Tell a wise person, or else keep silent,
Because the massman will mock it right away.
I praise what is truly alive,
What longs to be burned to death.
In the calm water of the love-nights,
Where you were begotten, where you have begotten,
A strange feeling comes over you
When you see the silent candle burning.
Now you are no longer caught
In the obsession with darkness,
And a desire for higher-love-making
Sweeps you upward.
Distance does not make you falter,
Now, arriving in magic, flying,
And, finally, insane for the light,
You are the butterfly and you are gone.
And so long as you haven't experienced
This: to die and so to grow,
You are only a trouble guest
On the dark earth.
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