A time to NOT be "on"

For those who have never experienced this, let me be clear:  it is hard to say no to members of the congregation when they ask us to visit during the last 2-3 weeks of a ministry. Ok, so this falls into the realm of "first world problems," I agree. But still I continue:  in the past, I've experienced this reality when we are leaving a congregation after many years - people feel a need to connect - and the same dynamic is at work with this sabbatical. Given everyone's busy lives, our departure hasn't seemed real or pressing for many until about 21 days out and then we got bombarded with invitations for lunch, supper, coffee or just friendly conversation. It never fails - just when we're the most stressed out  -  and frantic - people sense it is a good time to ask if we might spend time together.. 

On one level I am grateful: I get that folks are feeling a need to connect now that our departure has entered their calendars and hearts. Their feelings are sweet and tender so I am honored. On another level, however, this is the worst possible time for such a visit. So I  have learned it is essential to say NO for at least these reasons:

+ First, there is a shitload of stuff - mostly unexpected - that still needs to get done in these next few weeks.  To protect our own sanity - and get the necessary tasks completed - I have to become a time miser as a matter of self-care. We have been unusually well organized in anticipation of our sabbatical; almost all of the big projects were nailed down just after Christmas. But because the weather has been so horrible, there are still things like major yard work that must be done now that spring has FINALLY arrived, various car repairs and minor shopping trips, too. I understand that such tasks are not high priorities on any one else's list of things to do - nor should they be - but if I don't guard our time and get them done, we will be in trouble.

+ Second, our emotional energy is already focused on being away - in many ways we are on the road - making our emotional experience quiet different from that of the congregation that remains. Sure we both are having anxieties - we both hold hopes and expectations for this sabbatical, too - but our respective foci are worlds apart. As I have noted for the past two years, Di and I are ready to let things go for a time. We are looking forward to rest and prayer, music and a much slower pace of life where we do not have to stand and deliver. In fact, the greatest blessing of this sabbatical has to do with living in ways where we do not have to be "on." 

Being "on" is something very few folks in a church grasp: they don't have to do it all the time, they don't have to consciously choose when they have the energy to be on and when they have to go into seclusion. After all they are only on their best behavior with their pastor some of the time. Most of their interactions with me have to do with bringing their real lives into my care  - and for most of us real life isn't pretty. It is broken and testy. It is wounded and needy. What's more, given  the pastor/parish relationship, they are used to me being available when they want and need me.  Really. Believe me, it doesn't cut the other way. Just ask any pastor about worship statistics for the Sunday after Easter. I may want and need people to be in worship before my sabbatical break - our budget may want and need people to be in worship, too - but the fact is they have other things to do and only half of the Easter crowd will actually make it into the Sanctuary tomorrow. So even when we get to "chill" with most members of the church, we must still be "on" - it is one of the necessary ways of maintaining healthy boundaries - and keeping right relations within the community.

This is really not a complaint. It is part of the cost of doing business as a clergy person serving a local congregation. What's more I LOVE these people. But now we are ready to let go of being "on" for a season. We  are ready to simply wake up each day and see what the Spirit has in store for us. Our vision and focus is different. It is ready to be on the road. And that simply is not the truth for those who are not on this journey with us. To be sure, the folk who remain will be on their own journey. Given the very different nature of the construct of this sabbatical,  I don't think they have fully grasped this yet, because this sabbatical stipulates a congregational component beyond waiting. So the depth of their journey probably won't be experienced until our sabbatical interim minister actually arrives and celebrates his first worship liturgy. But it is coming...

... and it starts tomorrow with my message about sabbatical living and Sabbath. It starts with a sign-up sheet for the Diana Krall concert on June 21st. It starts at our Monday church council meeting where I start to relinquish responsibility for four + months.