I'd like to know everything starting with "Goodbye Pork Pie Hat"

One of the many gifts that I am embracing during these early days of our sabbatical is the chance to let go of resentment. I'm doing this again, I know. And if I am healthy and honest, I'll be doing it for the rest of my life. That's what the 12 Steps make clear as I work them:  not only do I trust a power greater than myself to restore me to sanity (and grace and awareness), but I remain in regular dialogue/communion with God. And part of that conversation involves step four - fearless moral inventory - step five - confession before another person and God - and step seven - asked the One who is Holy to remove my short-comings. Resentment is one of the road blocks that often strangles joy within me while robbing me of energy. It is time to consciously and carefully let it go - again - as I also let go of weariness.
Oddly,while  my source of resentment has roots in times long ago and far away, they are triggered by "soul vampires." Every church has them - so, too every school, institution or place of work - and their challenge is to let the anger, fear and shame evoked become the path to greater serenity rather than more anguish. Carlos Castaneda used to speak of these individuals as "petty tyrants" placed in our path to lead us away from resentment into authentic power and humility. The mystics of many traditions call this "dying to self" and being "reborn into grace." And, surprise of surprises, I am rediscovering at a deeper level how closely sleep and rest is related to serenity in the presence of my soul vampires. 

That is what Pico Iyer was talking about in his observation that contemporary people seek solace and solitude in their vacations more than ever: we are too tightly wound and stressed-out from the demands and pressures of our working lives to rest deeply. Consequently, many flee whenever down time arrives. We have not yet learned to celebrate the wisdom of Sabbath keeping in our ordinary experience and so ache for silence and rush towards it during our vacations in a way that is nearly obsessive. I'm not preaching here - this is confession as much as reflection - as I often feel that same ache and addiction. That's why I believe this extended time of rest and solitude is sharing with me a slice of wisdom about my resentments.

Clearly one of the reasons I spend so much time listening and playing music is that it brings insight to my soul and a measure of healing to my feelings. B.B. King was right when he spoke about the gift of the blues: the blues help us feel what is true and deep while simultaneously helping us move through our sorrows. Today I am feeling like Angela Ball in her poem,"Jazz."

I'd like to know everything
A jazz artist knows, starting with the song
"Goodbye Pork Pie Hot." 

Like to make some songs myself:
"Goodbye Rickshaw,"
"Goodbye Lemondrop,"
"Goodbye Rendezvous."
Or maybe even blues:

If you fall in love with me I'll make you pancakes
All morning. If you fall in love with me
I'll make you pancakes all night.
If you don't like pancakes
We'll go to the creperie. If you don't like pancakes
We'll go to the creperie.
If you don't like to eat, handsome boy,
Don't you hand around with me.

On second thoughts, I'd rather find
The fanciest music I can and hear all of it.

I'd rather love somebody
And say his name to myself every day
Until I fall apart. 

Today there will be a few more errands - a little get together early this evening with a few friends and colleagues - and then more packing before we depart.  Wynton Marsalis put it like this one time on the David Letterman show as he made Vince Garaldi's song new with great respect for the old, too. This is brilliant, humble, honest, playful, cocky and tons of fun all at the same time...