Things I Never Learned in Seminary

NOTE: A few weeks ago, one of my favorite professors in the doctoral program at San Francisco Theological Seminary, Gregory Love, asked me to put some thoughts together for this year's graduating seminarians. The subject: what's the real deal in ministry and what did I need to know that I had to figure out on my own. What follows are some of my reflections. Thanks, Greg!

I went to seminary in the late 70s and took my first church shortly before I turned 30; I was married, had two young daughters, had organized for the farm workers and worked retail: all of these things were important and helpful to me. I went to Union Theological Seminary in NYC and loved the intellectual climate: I studied with Cornell West, James Washington, Dorothee Soelle, James Forbes and James Cone. Ray Brown was there as were a host of other great folk – and I was Senior Class co-chair – so I was totally involved. I was awarded the Maxwell Fellowship for Pastoral Ministry Excellence, too, and worked in churches all three years of seminary. That said, when I got out of school, I didn’t really know how to be a minister.

It may sound foolish, but the first thing I did after leaving seminary was to REALLY learn the scriptures. I learned exegesis at Union in NYC – and I was grateful for the tools – only to discover that I didn’t really know the Bible. And that totally pissed me off for the first 5 years; so I read and studied and memorized lots and lots of scripture. If you are going into the local church, I can’t emphasize learning scripture enough.

Second, I needed to learn a spiritual discipline for myself: you can’t give what you don’t have, right? And so I read lots of books on prayer – Richard Foster’s spiritual disciplines book was good, Dallas Willard, too along with Kathleen Norris, Howard Thurman, Henri Nouwen, Edward Hays, Frederick Beuchner and Walter Breuggemann – and I explored spiritual direction and personal retreats. I eventually found having a spiritual director was essential to keep me honest, on track and in touch with my shadow. Thomas Keating’s work on centering prayer was very important to me for a long time; and I also worked with an ecumenical group dedicated to the spirituality of Charles de Foucauld. And beyond a doubt: learning the rhythm of Taize worship, music and silence helped me stay grounded. A personal prayer life with accountability is a God send.

Knowing how to conduct a wedding rehearsal was vital – so if you haven’t practiced and gone through this with a pro, you should. Same with funerals and memorial services; I had never seen a dead body until my internship so…. Having prayer books and manuals is good, but working with someone who can walk you through these life-cycle events is really valuable. I also realized that in the Reformed tradition I knew nothing about what is called “liturgics” in some traditions – the beauty, mechanics and art – of worship. So often we low church folk butcher holy communion and have no sense of grace or poetry; so there are some good manuals that I practiced with – even using a mirror to get the hand positions right – and I went to lots of Anglican worship, too, to get a feel. Then I made it my own but this will make such a difference to a congregation if the pastor is artful, yes?

Ok, knowing how to talk to others about your call – and the ways God has been at work in your life – in other words, your testimony – is vital. Maybe that isn’t an issue with you guys, but we overly intellectual types at Union couldn’t share an honest testimony if it bit us in the ass – so I had to learn – and people in my church have benefited from my comfort. Indeed, it has given them permission to learn how to talk about their faith, too. Closely related to this, in an odd way, was learning that my relationships at church were public relationships – neither friends nor therapy – and when those lines get mixed there is always trouble. Church based community organizing a la Alinsky really helped me on this but others know how to teach this; and it is more than boundary training/awareness. Lots of church people never get it, but don’t make your friendship circle your congregation. More positively stated, get friends outside the church: it will keep you sane.

Warren Lee at San Francisco Theological Seminary was right in telling his D. Min folk that every pastor needs to know how to talk about suffering – your class, Greg, was the BEST single class I ever took in ALL my work as M. Div. or D. Min. Without exception! And Warren hit the nail on the head when he said: you have to discover what gaps you can live with when it comes to God and human suffering. Gregg Love was also very helpful: no one way works for modern folk, but it is clear as Yancey states that the old Calvinist model no longer cuts it! So, good luck, but take the time to really work this out clearly because there is more pain and anguish out there than we can ever comprehend.

An excellent book that helped give me tools to laugh at myself and embrace both suffering and failure in my own life was A Spirituality of Imperfection; it is grounded in the 12 Step AA process and is really good. Indeed, wrestling through the first 5 steps in the AA process might be better than CPE – it sure was for me! In fact, this one book, and my work with AA folk was more important in the trenches than all the liberation theology I ever studied – and I loved my theoretical work – but we need to know that we aren’t in charge, how to let go and really, really trust God who is God! (Leonard Cohen put it like this in a wonderful song I used recently at my installation as pastor: "there is a crack, a crack in everything... its how the light gets in!" Check out this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dIv2MXU7_4

Let me share two or three other essentials: never, ever fight with your Sr. Pastor publicly – it makes you dirty and you can never win. It is rare to work with a good Senior Pastor as so many of us are so insecure; so, if you do have conflict, NEVER EVER make it public: it wounds churches and individuals and is always a mess. I learned, by making the same stupid mistakes over and over, that I couldn’t see my own blind spots: duh!?!! So find 2-3 solid, wise people who can keep confidence and check in with them every 3-4 month – especially if you are considering something risky – they will help you see what you can’t on your own and also help you strategize how to protect your backside. If you fail to do this, you’ll keep shooting yourself in the foot with your own ego.

Keep a Sabbath – and honor it – for you, God and your family. An old monk said, if you fall asleep when you pray then God is answering your prayers: you need sleep cuz you are too tired. A well rested clergyperson is a blessing – and we know the alternatives all too well. Take vacations – and study leave. We are never essential – helpful, to be sure – but churches can and will get along without us. Besides, time away keeps us all refreshed. Get good tax advice – if you don’t it will really whack you!

If you have children, give them space for your undivided time or they will resent you and the church and the Lord. I had to fight with Senior Ministers, church councils and others to go to my girls’ dances, plays, etc. but they were/are a priority – and they are both still active in the church. (Check with other clergy to see how rare this is…. I’m telling you: give them – and your loved ones – real time!)

And maybe lastly, learn to laugh at yourself: nothing is worse than a minister who thinks they know it all. I took myself waaaaaaaay too seriously for waay too long – divorce, workaholism and a potential affair had to happen and knock me on my ass before I was low enough to really trust God. And the only thing I could do with God’s grace is laugh at myself – and then work to heal relationships I had broken. But laughter – and humility – are so important and I can’t emphasize this enough