Sometimes you just have to go with the heart...

This morning I preached the sermon I'd been thinking about all week - apparently it did come out right when I wrote it last week (although the written text was ok) - so I had another go of it today.  If I recall correctly there were three ideas:

+  First, as I've been thinking about my life and ministry - and the ministry of the church on the day of our annual meeting - it seems to me that not only has my notion of my own ministry changed over the past 30 years, but my sense of what we need to do as a church in renewal has changed over the past five years, too.  And what I now sense is most important - for me personally and for the congregation corporately - is to become more deeply gentle and kind.  Like the Dalai Lama said:  The planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, restorers, story tellers and lovers of all kind. 

+ Second, I used to think that the Lord's call to ministry as recorded in Luke's gospel - the Spirit of the Lord is upon me - was my call to radical social justice work.  And there is a lot to challenging the status quo - but too often even the peace-makers are filled with fear - and we become what we hate.  So, what I've come to realize is that if we're going to advance the cause of peace and justice we need to learn how to do it together - not as solo performers - but more like part of a chorus or band.  I need people to help challenge me with clarity and kindness.  I need those who care for me to name my blind spots.  And I need to be a part of a faith community willing to give as good as it gets because let's face it, we are all broken.  I used to think some folks had their shit together, but now I know that is only partially true.  We are broken and need one another to find and taste God's grace.  

+ And third I think Jesus models learning a way into the wisdom of our wounds through the prophetic and poetic faith his mother shared with him.  I imagine it was Mary who sang to her baby the Magnificat over and over and taught him the poems of the prophets, too.  So I've realized that in my brokenness and aching for kindness, the best way for me to go deeper into grace and gentleness is by being a part of a body that is willing to learn like Jesus did: from his momma, from the prophets and from spending time quietly listening to the stories of others.

We began today's message with Lesley Duncan's haunting song that she shared with a young Elton John nearly 40 years ago - and then Carlton, Brian and I later explored the tune as a musical meditation at the close of the message, too.  This evening I received a few notes from members who had been in worship today.  One mentioned how the words I shared today built on the themes we've been exploring since Epiphany - and how nourishing they were.  Another quoted something from Margaret Wheatley that deepens her peace:

I don’t for a moment longer believe that we can change this very large, destructive cycle of the systems of politics, business and finance that are quite life-destroying. Perseverance always begins with “right work,” according to Wheatley. “My own experience has taught me that if I give up any hope of saving the greater system, I actually find the energy to do the work that I feel is mine to do. I’m just doing this work because it is my work and because it honors my values and it embodies my integrity. I’m not doing it because I hope to influence something at a larger scale any longer. It is a long-term commitment that is not attached to any outcome.

I'm glad I threw out my prepared notes and just went from the heart.  At the end of this day we are sad because our old, old dog is hurting more and more.  We wept watching "Downton Abbey."  And my back aches and head hurts. But there is a love at work that is holding it all together.  And tonight I am grateful to feel connected to it all.