A romp in the woods...

Today, after tea and the NY Times, we strapped on the snow shoes and took our young dog, Lucie, for a run.  She, of course, was the runner - not me - and in 10" of snow no less. I did my best to move my  sorry ass and sore back along with her in an odd walking harmony that made us all feel good to be alive.  The sun was blinding on the snow but it was quiet and restful in the woods, too.

When I got out of bed, Lucie was very anxious - she knows something is up now that Casey is gone - and she took about 10 minutes of solid cuddling and scratching and reassuring before she settled down.  The run did her strong body good and it was healing to be outside with both Lucie and Di.  And now, after some errands, we're going to clean up Casey's "den" and get the sun room cleaned (oh my God was Casey ever a shed monster!)

And so life goes on: in new and different ways, to be sure, in sad and empty ways, too.  My sense of loss now that Casey is dead is different from Dianne's - he was clearly her buddy - but as two old men we not only shared a love for Di but also came to value and love one another in our own cranky way, too.  I have found some perspective in these words of prayer and reflection by Rabbi Susan Schein.

Let us bless the Well
eternally giving –
the circle of life
ever-dying, ever-living.        We have been sustained and our souls protected and nurtured by the life of our beloved companion, Casey, who has been taken from us. The ragged tear death has rent in the fabric of our lives cannot be mended. Yet love is as strong as death, and the bonds of love
know no boundaries.

We still meet; we still love – if not in the world of physical reality then in the gentler world of dream and memory.
(adapted from Rami Shapiro)(The web site continues with these insights from Jewish Tradition...)
Rabbinic tradition makes clear God's role as the caretaker of all forms of life: "The Holy One, blessed be God, sits and sustains [all life], from the horns of the wild oryx to the eggs of lice." (Babylonian Talmud Shabbat. 107b)

"Human and creature You preserve, Adonai." (Psalm 36:7) "In whose hand is the soul of every living thing and the breath of all humankind." (Job 12:10) "You open Your hand and satisfy every living thing with favor." (Psalm 145:16)

Created in God's image, we, too, seek to sustain all life. In the Book of Samuel, the prophet Nathan tells David about the relationship of a poor man and a little lamb: "He tended it, and it grew up together with him and his children: it used to share his morsel of bread, drink from his cup, and nestle in his bosom; it was like a daughter to him." (II Samuel 12:3) Such was this man's bond of love for his animal companion.

Similarly, on a daily basis, many of us take care of our precious pets, our beloved animal-children, by feeding and sheltering them, by petting, walking, and playing with them. And, at the same time, in sustaining life, we are sustained. According to Rab, the sign of protection which God gave to Cain was a dog." (Genesis Rabbah 22:12) Like Cain's dog, our devoted companions protect and take care of us not only physically but also emotionally and spiritually. Ours is gratitude and reverence for their honest and humble example, generosity of spirit, and unconditional love.
(check out more @ http://www.ritualwell.org/ritual/burial-service-animal-companion)

As stewards we willingly took on the dual commitment of responsibility and accountability for Casey - and bringing his agony to an end was one of those commitments - as hard and complicated as anything we've ever done.  It was right and good and at the same time excruciating and sad.  And that is what love feels like when it is incarnated - not an abstraction - but a living truth.  Once again, the words of St. Paul cut deeper than all the sentimentality and fluff:

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.