in life, in death, in life beyond death...

This morning we rose early to spend the first part of the day in court. This was an act of solidarity, prayer, witness, and love for friends who have been wounded. In my heart, we became a sign of the living Body of Christ enfleshed. "I will weep when you are weeping, when you laugh I'll laugh with you; I will share your joys and sorrows till we've seen this journey through" as "The Servant Song" hymn proclaims. St. Teresa of Avila taught that "Christ has no body now but yours." We pray for healing and a measure of justice now even as we wait upon the Spirit for guidance - and the jury.

This afternoon was given to yard work and quiet prayer. With so much rain over the past five days our manual lawn mower had been rendered useless. Finally we got a 24 hour window in-between storms, so I had to act. The combination of pushing a lawn mower in the sun and silence is meditative. So many thoughts swirl up from within only to dance off as quickly as they appeared. My mind was on yesterday's gospel reading from Matthew 13. In the parable of the sower, Jesus speaks of people who receive inspiration and respond to it in vastly different ways: some waste the blessing, others react vigorously but are not grounded and quickly fade back into their old habits; some are energized by the blessing but are too compromised by the idols of greed and power to incarnate the gift, while still others receive the inspiration with nurture and patience and let deep roots develop that bring new blessings to birth from their very lives.

Ignatian spirituality invites all the senses to be used in a biblical story. In a time for quiet reflection on this parable yesterday, the questions were: when have you wasted an opportunity or a blessing? When did you find your heart unready? Or compromised? What does it feel like to let the invitation of grace and love grow within? What came to me while cutting the grass is that I look at this parable over the course of a life time. Clearly, there have been times when I was too enthusiastic, impetuous or naive to let the seed of God's love bear fruit. There were other times, too when I was consumed with succeeding - even in ministry! I know there were seasons when I turned away from even trying to listen to the word in my life. And, as I have rediscovered while sorting through the letters and papers of 40 years of ministry, there have been some seeds and blessings that I have taken the time to nurture, trust and grow into. The blessings kept coming and my responses were never static. Clearly, this parable resonates differently with young people, those of middle age, and those in their mature years, yes?

Please don't think for a second that I am being a Pollyanna about the pain and agony so many of us face. There are demons in my soul that I have had to wrestle with in the past - and continue to face down regularly - as well as encounters with violence, addiction, abuse and suffering. I do not speak from within a vacuum. Further, as Jean Vanier of L'Arche writes, people of compassion are compelled to enter into the real pain of others:

It is important to enter into the mystery of pain, rhe pain of our brothers and sisters in countries that are at war, the pain of our brothers and sisters who are sick, who are hungry, who are in prison; brothers and sisters who do not know where they will sleep this night; it is important to enter into the pain of all those for whom no one cares and who are alone; all those who are living grief and loss.

Ours is the way of the Cross. Ours is Christ's challenge: when did we see Thee, Lord hungry, naked, wounded, imprisoned and afraid? Ours is a spirituality of embracing the wounds tenderly and honestly. When I do this in my prayers, it is humbling to recall the times I turned away from Christ's love. It is hard to own the ways my negligence and betrayals have hurt the ones I love. It is also remarkable to see how over the course of a lifetime God didn't quit on me. And that even in my dark night I was able to share small gifts of Christ's love with others. 

It is always this combination of letting the seeds come to my life and having them blow away that shapes my life in faith. Darkness is real but not the end; nor is consolation in this realm for the road goes on forever. As the United Church of Canada wisely proclaims: in life, in death, in life beyond death we are not alone. Thanks be to God.


credits
1. http://www.theeventchronicle.com/metaphysics/spiritual/dark-night-soul-4/