Fr. James Martin, SJ, is one of my favorite public theologians. He is, as his name suggests, a Jesuit: one guided by the spiritual disciplines of St. Ignatius of Loyola and ordained into that sacramental order. Ignatius was a 14th century Basque soldier who experienced a profound mystical conversion to the way of Jesus while convalescing in a convent after surgery. Upon his recovery, he made a pilgrimage to Jerusalem, spent time studying with the Benedictines in the Holy Land, took a formal degree in theology before founding a new order, the Society of Jesus, in 1539. It is fascinating (to me) to recall that he was a contemporary of John Calvin.Fr. Martin recently published a prayer in the Jesuit magazine, America, in which he invites us to prayerfully consider our journey with God throughout 2019. It is an adaptation of the "examen" of Ignatius, an examination of our conscience for the whole year both "to see where God has been active (and to) notice, be grateful and, experience our desire for change." Martin offers these guidelines:
+ First, remember that this prayer is taking place in the presence of God. "It’s not just you running through a list or talking to yourself. You’re doing it with God."
+ Second, look over your 2019 calendar and remember all the times when you were grateful. "Savor them - and return thanks to the Lord."
+ Third, express your sorrow. "Surely in the space of 365 days you’ve done some things you regret. Tell God you’re sorry. If you have really harmed someone, the last day of the year is a good time to seek forgiveness."
+ Fourth, ask God for the grace to live in closer harmony with the holy in 2020. "All of us have things that we’ll need God’s grace to face: health problems, financial problems, family problems, work problems. So ask God for help." NOTE: Martin's full article in America can be found here @ https://www. americamagazine.org/faith/2019/12/30/new-years-prayer-nearly-everyone?utm_source=Newsletters&utm_campaign=b14833a845-DAILY_CAMPAIGN
What I value in Ignatian spirituality is the commitment to use all our senses: we are invited to smell the blessings, taste the goodness, and feel the sorrow in our hearts as well as our flesh. It is a fully embodied spirituality - and while I tend to favor the path of St. Francis I have found the wisdom of Ignatius to be essential, too. Today, I committed myself to doing this year-end examen and used the better part of four hours of house-cleaning to get ready to sit with last year's calendar - and here's what I discerned:
+ Gratitude: my life was filled with gratitude in 2019! As those who saw our
Christmas letter know, we were blessed beyond belief last year. I rejoice for all the ways I was able to share creative music: Famous Before We're Dead, our Berkshire Benefit Band, Dianne, and the Jazz Ambassadors. 2019 was equally full of family blessings: Jesse, Michael, Louie and Anna; Michal, Winton and Noah. We celebrated two weddings - in California with Ross and Jennifer - and in Ottawa with Robin and Henrietta. We got to party with Phil and Julie in North Beach, too. 2019 saw the resolution of our financial debt, the blossoming of Di's teaching/ writing work with the English Farm, as well as a renewed commitment to both gardening and bread-baking. I traveled periodically to my L'Arche Ottawa community and we spent two extended times away in the Eastern Townships of Quebec and Montreal. We also reveled in the presence of Larry and Linda in Tucson. My on-line friendship with Pam continued to be real and very satisfying - and we hope to meet in person possibly in February! Lastly, we celebrated all the high holy days of our faith tradition in the company of the faithful at Trinity/St. Paul's in NYC.
+ Grief: Three areas of grieving and sorrow were real for me this past year. I failed to connect with a dear friend during a trying time of illness earlier this summer and must now find a way to redress the pain I have caused. I have been sporadic in going deeper into Centering Prayer and realize the loss of my intimacy with God's peace at times. I am sometimes overwhelmed by the challenges of supporting loved ones in their physical illness and ask God's guidance in patience and tenderness.
+ Grace: A protege has experienced what I believe to be misguided and unfair treatment from a church judicatory so I pray for grace, presence and wisdom in resolving this as the new year unfolds. I pray to the Lord to strengthen Di's health in 2020 on so many fronts. I ask God's continued protection for both Anna and Louie as they engage a complicated world this year. The up-coming elections in the USA are momentous so I ask that God's people rise up and renew a commitment to voting, registering young people to vote, and helping turn out the vote in November 2020. And I ask the One who is Holy to guide the L'Arche Ottawa community as it lives into a new mandate and significant transition.
A poem popped-up today that is a bit more cynical than I prefer, but it also captures a hint of what a new year can promise. Perhaps it will speak to you.
by Barbara Crooker
When a door bangs shut, a window doesn't open.
Sometimes, it slams on your fingers. God often
gives us more than we can handle. A sorrow
shared is a sorrow multiplied. There's a bottle
of Champagne waiting to be uncorked,
but it's not for you. Nobody wants another poem.
The prize-winning envelope has someone else's name
on it. This year you already know you're not going
to lose those ten pounds. How can you feel hope,
when the weight of last year's rejections is enough
to bury you? Still, the empty page craves the pen,
wants to feel the black ink unscrolling on its skin.
In spite of everything, you sit at your desk and begin.
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