Intuitively, I appreciate this rhythm and am committed to supporting the wisdom of Di's body/mind, though I must confess my desire is to squeeze just a tad more wandering into the day before visiting a jazz club tonight. Such is one of the blessings and curses I've carried with me for most of my 70+ years. How did Ric Ocasek put it when he fronted The Cars?
"When our two sons were going to Hebrew school, preparing for their Bar Mitzvahs, one of them asked the Rabbi, “What if I’m not sure that I believe in god?” To which the Rabbi replied, “It’s unimportant that you believe in god. What matters is that you search for god, look for the sacred, and learn to recognize what is holy.” And with those simple words, my kids were not only liberated from their fear of trying to maintain a lifelong devotion to a single, abstract, static “belief,” but they were also given permission to put their faith into their own actions and efforts to be kind. Free to marvel at the strangeness of it all and stand unafraid of their “not-knowing.” To focus on the undeniable beauty as it unfolds in front of them. To watch and wait for wisdom. For god’s love to exist, it must be made visible through our own acts of love and our faith in each other."
Walking through this week - as well as the requisite waiting and new sense of life's unfolding rhythm - is an act of NOT knowing for me. It's about being: being real, being aware, being attentive, being at rest so that together we can "focus on the undeniable beauty before and within us." Even as we age. Even as we ache. Even as we move forward not knowing what tomorrow will bring. "Leaning into what is true an beautiful" NOW, I too begin to "recognize a holiness that... is all around us." The rains come and go outside our window today. The sun sneaks back from behind the clouds before another torrent tears through this small community. Yesterday was sunny and cool. Today is wet and dark. Tonight will be... who knows? The wisdom of rhythm is everywhere if I but have eyes to see, ears to hear, and a mustard seed of patience.
The upside of this (for me) is that I can go and go and go - with just short breaks for periodic naps and nourishment - through most of the day right up to last call. The downside is that while I know better, emotionally I expect others to want to keep up with me - and can become disappointed when it isn't so. To say that learning to consciously own and then dial down this aspect of my shadow has been a work in progress merely hints at the magnitude of angst, frustration, and turmoil involved. I am still an all too reluctant novice when it comes to honoring the wisdom of life's rhythms.
At the same time I know that this is what love requires at this moment in my journey: slowing down repeatedly is not only good medicine for me, it is essential to sharing life with a partner. Given my cultural conditioning, my emotional land mines as well as my hopes and dreams, however, intermittent rest requires a radical inward sacrifice in order to celebrate its outward blessings. Talk about an existential paradox!
That's another reason why taking time away from our routine is restorative for me: I must intentionally pay attention to the rhythm of my honey. Back home, our work and interests run parallel to one another; besides sharing breakfast on the deck and ten hours later a quiet supper, we're off doing our own things. These wandering adventures are a different kettle of fish. Walking together without an agenda let's me see just how hard some actions have become - not abstractly - but vividly in the flesh. As Canadian theologian, Douglas John Hall, writes: we learn new ways of being NOT by thinking our way into new life but by living our way into a new ways of thinking. Thought follows flesh so taking responsibility for my shadow - and its consequences - is always incarnational. And while it is still a work in progress, incrementally there is still momentum.
In Ms. Newcomer's morning essay, she quotes Jeff Tweedy of Wilco describing one of his son's conversation with the family rabbi:
-Jeff Tweedy from Start Ship Casual
Then she adds her own reaction that resonates within me, too:
After I read this paragraph I had to sigh and take a breath. It is not necessary that I know, it is only needed that I search- not out of fear, but out of love and a call to something connecting and kind. I love the idea of focusing on the undeniable beauty before us (and within us). By leaning into what is true and beautiful, we begin to recognize holiness that may be not just in a special building or one particular way of spiritual practice, but all around us. Let us manifest that beauty and love in all we do, all we create and all give.
After I read this paragraph I had to sigh and take a breath. It is not necessary that I know, it is only needed that I search- not out of fear, but out of love and a call to something connecting and kind. I love the idea of focusing on the undeniable beauty before us (and within us). By leaning into what is true and beautiful, we begin to recognize holiness that may be not just in a special building or one particular way of spiritual practice, but all around us. Let us manifest that beauty and love in all we do, all we create and all give.
)https://carrienewcomer.substack.com/p/holy-as-the-day-is-spent?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email)
No comments:
Post a Comment