Don't hurry up... ok?

One of the commitments we made upon leaving the desert Southwest for the hills and trees of the North Country was that whatever else was done in this new ministry, it had to be fun. "If it isn't fun, don't do it!"  Now fun can sound frivolous to those who are obsessed with hurrying about. It probably sounds cruel to those obsessed with their own pain and fear, too.

So perhaps we should have said something like: "Unless it nourishes JOY..." - or the kingdom of God rather than the kingdom of SELF - or even savors time for simple acts of ordinary compassion, yes? That might have better articulated the alternative to the small worlds we sometimes find ourselves trapped within that was part of discerning this new calling.  But... fun is what was said, so there you have it.

(This Springsteen clip has a killer second verse and bridge about suddenly realizing the traps we've created for ourselves... and the ecstatic joy of release.  One of my favorites.)

Five years into this new commitment, however, I now want to say that while fun is a fine word - a good starting place that points ministry in the right direction - it just doesn't go deep enough. I saw something yesterday that reaffirmed this insight in a discussion about fanaticism:  it was observed that fanatics lacked the ability - and desire - to laugh at themselves. Laughter as a unique spiritual discipline begins with fun - I think of playing with babies as they discover the sheer joy of learning to laugh - and how healing that is for everyone involved. But learning to laugh at yourself goes deeper - it takes a commitment to being playful - for only then can it become an asset in nourishing humility.

Laughter also takes time... At our midweek Eucharist one of my friends mentioned a poem she had just heard by Marie Howe from the book The Kingdom of Ordinary Time.  I had just rushed in from another appointment so was not fully grounded.  But as I thought about it I realized that I had heard this poem.  In fact, I owned the book!  In a poem called, "Hurry," Howe writes:

We stop at the dry cleaners and the grocery store
and the gas station and the green market and
Hurry up honey, I say, hurry, hurry,
as she runs along two or three steps behind me
her blue jacket unzipped and her socks rolled down.

Where do I want her to hurry to? To her grave?
To mine? Where one day she might stand all grown?

Today, when all the errands are finally done, I say to her,
Honey I'[m sorry I keep saying Hurry -
you walk ahead of me. You be the mother.

And, Hurry up, she says, over her shoulder, looking
back at me, laughing.  Hurry up now darling, she says,
hurry, hurry, taking the house keys from my hands.

Been there - done that - am often STILL there DOING that - right? The laughter and call to fun were the clue - a piece of going deeper - but going deeper into joy and a way of living that refuses to hurry is closer to the true calling.  Eugene Peterson writes that we are called to be changed by what God is doing in us - not remain static - or stagnant.

It is the nature of God is doing in us that we grow. But this 'naturalness' does not mean that growth is painless. Growth calls into action new parts of our minds, our emotions, our bodies. What we experience at these times often feels like pain. We are not used to stretching ourselves in these ways. But the pain should not surprise us - our muscles ache when we take up any new activity. Athletes expect to get sore muscles when they begin training. A commitment to Christ and obedience to his commands stretch us beyond ourselves - and that hurts. But his is a very different pain from that inflicted by torture or punishment. Growth pain is the kind we don't regret; it leads to health and not disease or neurosis.

Then he reworks a passage from Hebrews 5 like this:

I have a lot more to say about this, but it is hard to get it across to you since you've picked up this bad habit of not listening. By this time you ought to be teachers yourselves, yet her I find you in need of someone to sit down with you and go over the basics on God again - starting from square one - baby's milk - when you should have been on solid food long ago!

Don't take that as a harsh scolding - a mild one, to be sure - but not harsh because it is only a statement of the human condition: we all tend to resist and oppose and fight change within and beyond - rationalize and excuse our penchant for baby's milk - when we need solid food. I know this is true for me...and I suspect this has been a constant litany since the beginning of time.

God calls us deeper - beyond the pain - beyond the laughter, too. God calls us into grace - and joy - and the Cross - into the upside down kingdom most poetically described as the life, death and resurrection of Christ Jesus. Some things are born within us, but then outlive their usefulness and must die - and we can trust that their death will lead to new life because of our faith in the resurrection.  We don't have to understand it - comprehend and explain it - just trust by faith that God's love is greater than our life and death.

(Jesus said) Listen carefully: unless a grain of wheat is buried in the ground - dead to the world - it is never any more than a grain of wheat. But if it is buried, it sprouts and reproduces itself many times over. In the same way, anyone who hold on to life just as it is destroys that life. But if you let it go, reckless in your love, you'll have it forever, real and eternal. (John 12: 24-25)

There is a little death to be discovered each day, yes? A little laughter and slowing down, too I think. Lord, may it be so among and within us.