So much has changed in such a short time. Who could have imagined? I find that my usual inner restlessness is now mostly at peace. Not only is there a gentle rhythm to my life that was missing for decades, but I am now centered on small matters of the heart.
I am learning to sit with not knowing.
Even when my restless mind begins jumping
From a worried
What next,
To a frightened
What if,
To a hard edged and impatient,
Why aren’t you already there?
I’m learning to sit and listen
To pat myself on the knee,
Lay my hand on my heart,
Take another deep breath,
Laugh at myself,
Befriend my mistakes,
Especially the ones,
That show me how,
I most need to change.
I’m learning to sit with whatever comes
Even though I’m a hopeless planner,
Because so much of this life
Can’t be measured or predicted
Or evenly portioned.
Because wonder and suffering visit
When we least expect
And rarely In equal measure.
I’m learning to sit with what
I might never know
Might never learn
Might never heal
With what might waltz in and surprise me
Might nudge me into the risky business of growing
Might crash into my days
With unspeakable sorrow
Or uncontainable delight.
I’m learning to sit
With not knowing
(Carrie Newcomer)
Some fascinating possibilities are brewing just below the surface of my days - so my task, it seems, is just to sit with them. To behold the presence of the holy as it is revealed. The band is taking a break till the start of August. Our Brooklyn family heads to our home for fresh sweet corn and fun in a few weeks. A colleague from California has a daughter beginning college in these hills soon, too. I'll have a chance to be a friendly and safe old guy while momma is so far away. And it's time to get back to practicing my instrument, sitting in Centering Prayer, and seeing where new gigs might be secured. May the peace of a sweet summertime be yours today.
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