following Jesus...

This morning I read this poem and it shaped my vision all day long: I Need to Live Near a Creek  by Hayden Saunier

because
the lush

mossy
rush of it

hushes
me up.

I wanted to hush up today but there were odd moments when I wondered: am I walking with Jesus in the silence or not? When I am flummoxed, I used to believe that I had failed. Such is the curse of shame and abuse. But now days, whenever I don't know deep inside if I am walking with the Lord within, I trust that I am and find God everywhere. Jean Vanier, in his commentary on the gospel according to St. John. writes that "to follow Jesus not only means 'to walk in the footsteps' of the master, but also to accompany and be with" him in the company of others. (Drawn to the Mystery, p. 47) As today unfolded, I believe that happened. 

Every morning, before breakfast and prayers, I make a little toast for Di before she teaches. Then I greet our neurotic dog Lucie. She climbs onto my lap, lets me rub her ears as she moans in ecstasy, and then wants to head outside to do her business. It is a morning ritual that is earthy, filled with laughter and just a bit wacky as Lucie and I find a way to move into morning.

After it was all over, I went to Wal-Mart. We're doing some repair on our ancient refrigerator and the inner handle needed to be sanded down. It is too old and broken to be replaced, so epoxy and sand paper are essential. As I sauntered down one aisle, a young clerk smiled at me, winked and said, "What's goin' on, brother?" I paused, touched my heart and shared a smile as I replied, "Life is good." To which he said, "Indeed, indeed. Carry on." What a blessing! As I was leaving, another clerk said to me, "Brother, your shoe lace is untied. I don't want you to get hurt." Small things, to be sure. But small acts of watching and caring and being present with one another leads to holy ground.

Then I had to stop at the local TV cable company because after replacing our 20 year old TV last week, we haven't been able to make all the cable/sound boxes work. I brought in our weird splitter device and asked if such a replacement was still in existence? The lovely clerk smiled and said, "I have never seen such a thing but let me check with the techs." Sadly, they were all out in the field, so she spent the next 20 minutes problem solving with me - and gave me a few new HDMI cords to boot! Often the cable company office is a zoo filled with countless unhappy campers huddled in a too small foyer issuing complaints in coarse and loud voices. Not so today. In addition to it being another day of sunshine in the  Berkshires, this one was sweet because there was no one else in the building. The clerk was truly helpful to me - printed out special instructions - and concluded saying, "If you can't get the darned thing to work, please remember that you can call our tech guys - they are great - and can help you solve anything!' I was full to over flowing.

Let's be clear: not everything was heavenly. Di and I probably spent an hour fussing and fuming trying to make the new TV work with our new cords. We have very different styles and can drive one another insane. And it is still unclear if the new cords mattered. But, little by little, we worked on the mess together and she eventually figured out how to make a 10 year old sound system sing in tandem with a modern, smart TV. I was reminded again that there is great wisdom in hushing up.

As evening falls and I look backwards, I think that at every step of this day, the morning poem called me to hush up. The sun was bright. The sky was blue. The snow was melting. And people were kind. Over and again I heard the invitation to hush up. And, mostly I did. So unless I am mistaken, in those times of being still, I probably met Jesus today. And might have even followed him a bit, too.