trusting that small is holy takes a TON of time...

Inadvertently practicing what I try to preach led me to rewrite the words to a song I started three years ago: Small Is Holy. It began while riding home from L'Arche Ottawa. It's about a six hour drive so there's a ton of time to think, pray, listen to podcasts, and savor some silence. I was playing in a new band at the time, too and wanted to bring a bit of my perspective to the table. To say I hit a three year dry spell would be an understatement. Oh, I loved to make music with those bandmates and our groove was righteous. I just needed a long time for anything beyond the first verse to show up. Like most of the rest of my life, it takes awhile for things to ruminate within lest they come out preachy or trite.

That's something I came to recognize after about 15 years of doing pastoral ministry. That is, whenever I showed up was the right time. If you know anything about being present for people in their pain, two things are constants. First, it's the rare and spiritually mature soul who can see beyond their own suffering; in times of anguish, most of us feel like we are all that matters. No judgment, ok? It's just that our wounds can blind us to the bigger reality. Second, living into compassion for another is an emotional roller coaster. Some days you're up, others you're down - and this can happen two or three times in the same day. So, while I often tried to make a clearly defined date to connect with those in my community, there were times when other surprises popped up and before I knew it the day had evaporated. 

I used to grieve and fret about this - I'm a people pleasing addict,

you see - and I hated to disappoint. What slowly became clear to me, however, is that if you live from your heart, whenever you can show up becomes the right time. Yes, some appointments were missed. Of course, that was frustrating to us all. But I can't tell you how many times I walked into a hospital room two days after I hoped to get there only to find a friend or a family finally ready to go deeper. Same for home or office visits: whenever we can show up with an open heart and loving spirit becomes the right time. This liberated me from the bondage of expectations and the constraints of my calendar.

And now it seems that this is true when it comes to making new music, too. For the last 20 years I've been living into this wisdom concerning my inner soul work and meditation, so why am I surprised that it's true for music as well? Another thing I've come to own is that I am often late to most parties. That is actually a gift, not a curse, although it's long felt like a burden given the fast paced demands of our market-obsessed culture. The more I pay attention to the contemplative words of guides like Merton, the more I trust that small is holy.

You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment and embrace them with courage, faith, and hope.

I would add trust to Brother Merton's insight: trust that the timing of the holy is precise. It is often not my timing, but I am not God and I (mostly) rejoice in this. I'll spend the rest of this day dusting, cleaning, and washing the kitchen floor both because it needs to be done and because I want the new lyrics to swim around inside of me for a spell. My hope is that I can share them on this Sunday's live streaming gig.