Tuesday, September 13, 2022

updates and trusting that what starts in fear can become a gift of beauty...

Well I see I haven't published much here of late - not because I haven't had many thoughts - but more because I've been on the go and have simply added FB updates rather than reflections. So let me remedy this with today's thoughts...

+ First, our Playing Music on the Porch event was a gas and a blessing. About 30 people attended as we simply rocked and rolled. No agenda, no cause, no fundraiser; just a party with those we love and trust and being grateful to be together.

+ Second, our dear friends Donna and John were with us for three days from Canada. We met through out participation and commitment to the L'Arche community of Ottawa and discovered a shared love of God's inclusive grace, good liturgy, roots music, and sharing good food, wine, and laughter. It was a real joy to host them - especially because they've been so generous in hosting me at their wonderful home over these past 6 years. We took in jazz and good eats, did a bit of walking in the Audabon meadows, and simply enjoyed the warm summer nights on our deck.

+ Third, there's been a lot of L'Arche planning - not all of which has worked out. We'll meet again on Zoom tonight but the reality is: with only a very part-time interim community leader a lot falls through the cracks. The leadership team is committed, but there is so much care required given the needs of an aging core membership that many are exhausted - especially after two and a half years of covid. 

+ Fourth, Di and I are learning (slowly) how to be together in new ways given her multiplicity of health issues. I won't belabor this except to say there's a LOT to be done in pursuit of a pain-free life and we aren't there yet.

+ Fifth, I started an online class with Cynthia Bourgeault re: wisdom and the spirituality of kenosis. This not only informs my current Small is Holy series on "embodied prayer" but is helping me reconnect with Centering Prayer.

+ Sixth, Dave and I are starting to rehearse as a mostly accoustic duet. This is a ton of fun as we reclaim old accoustic Beatles' songs along with a variety of roots and Americana music. My hope is that by the end or the month we'll be ready to take it out to some clubs. In addition to our two home music parties Dave and his spouse hosted a GREAT rock and roll outing - with another to come at month's end.

+ Sevventh, I spent the past weekend at L'Arche Ottawa for the 50th community anniversary - after first celebrating the marriage of K and J in Connecticut. It was a long day - and a long drive - but well worth it all. I got home midday yesterday after the Saturday festivities, checking in with key people at L'Arche, breaking bread, sharing stories and prayer and reconnecting in person after such a long physical absence.

That's a quick overview of the past few weeks. Let me close with one of the most spiritually pregnant dreams I've had in decades. My family was young: my hair was dark, the girls were in their teens, and we we're living in a small, broken down house. At twilight there was a harsh knock on the door and when I opened it a SWAT team crashed in upon us with guns drawn, flashlights swirling and lot and lots of frenzied shouting. No one would confirm why they needed to break into our home, no one said much of anything except to heard the four of us together to keep us guarded while the para-military troops raced through the house. Then, as quickly as they barged in, they left without explanation or apologies. When we were able to catch our breath, the four of us went into the kitchen for a meal only to find that it had been decorated with garlands and fairy lights and the most amazingly beautiful tall Christmas tree. Going up the staircase, there were lights and golden garlands, too. And all throughout the house there were tiny scented candles burning.

What had come upon us in fear was just prelude to a bounty of beauty. What had terrified and rattled our souls, gave way to celebration and gifts beyond all of our wildest understanding. And what had once been humble  and dark had now been transformed by a warm, gentle light. I know this is connected to my new under-standing that God never quits searching for us. That the practice of Centering Prayer trains my flesh to keep letting go of fear, memories, anxieites, habits, thoughts, and distractions so that I might incrementally ripen in resting into the unforced rhythms of grace. And that what often starts out in apprehension often becomes unexpected beauty and joy. I'm still sitting with this one as the season of ordinary time matures with the fall foiliage in these parts.

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