a year of gratitude...

Dianne is in the kitchen making cranberry sauce. I have gathered the herbs to make stuffing with home made bread. When I exit the kitchen, she'll return to work on pumpkin pie. Then its on to roasting our small turkey for a quiet, late afternoon Thanksgiving dinner that can't be beat. George Winston is on the CD and life feels gentle, slow and restful. Last night before sleep, Di said, "I like you better in retirement. I really like how you are without all the anxiety, stress, resentment and BS of ministry." I have to agree: I like me more now, too! 

Deep rest and tenderness is at the heart of this year of gratitude. In reviewing my calendar for the past 12 months, a few insights bubble up to the surface. Once there was a time for engagement and now it is a time for solitude. Once it was the time for ministry and now it is a time for family. I might even go so far as to say once there was a time for war and conflict but now it is a time for all types of peace. I like the reworking of a First Nations prayer by Angeles Aiden, who writes:

Gratitude before me,

gratitude behind me,

gratitude to the left of me,

gratitude to the right of me,

gratitude above me,

gratitude below me,

gratitude within me,

gratitude all around me.

After a year of part-time ministry, I clearly discerned that it was time to bring it all to a close. Those who read this blog regularly know that it has taken me a full year to grasp the significance of this change. Sometimes, I fear, I've been a broken record pondering, listening, wrestling, fussing and sorting out what this new chapter in my life really means for me, my family and my service to God. When I printed out a summary of last year's events, a few truths were confirmed:

+ First, going deeper with my family.  I now have the time and space to simply be with our grandchildren. We are at work to discern a rhythm for regular monthly visits. So as I look towards the new year, this will be priority number one.

+ Second, expanding my commitment to L'Arche Ottawa. I was in Ottawa 8 times last year and twice in Montreal. Serving on the Spirituality Committee gives me a chance to contribute my time and talent - writing, liturgy and music - and it feeds my soul. L'Arche is how my outward journey with God takes shape and form in my "retirement" days.

+ Third, creating and sharing new music. Hal and I started to rehearse in earnest in January 2018. We've played a series of open mics, competitions, farmers markets and shows ever since. We've expanded the band, too. And at the end of this month, we'll play the big stage at Infinity Music Hall in Norfolk, CT. 

+ And fourth, learning to say yes and no. I sensed that I needed more time
for quiet. This meant saying no to a variety of public commitments that I have valued and supported. It was hard saying these good-byes - very hard - especially in our era of violence and incivility. Nevertheless, if to everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under heaven, now was my season for solitude. 

In gratitude and thanksgiving I give thanks to God for this year and all of its blessings and challenges. I have sorted out - and given away - tons of books, record albums and CDs. I have disposed of decades of sermons and church papers. I have learned to make fatoosh (a truly delicious Lebanese salad) and returned to bread baking. I have found a way of being engaged and alone that works for my soul. I have had lots of time with Di and Lucie. I have started to relearn the spirituality of the seasons. And I am rested and at peace.

Autumn
and our hearts

are seeking grace.

All around us

nature bids us

change.

Accept and give thanks

for falling

into surrender.

Into trust

that we will be held

and our brokenness

made whole.