After a LONG sleep...

(NOTE:  This post grows out of my gratitude to Peter for his love, phone conversation and  gentle correction. You are rockin' my man. Dianne, too, for your patience and gentle presence.)

I have been blessed: by those in my family who continue to love and help me, by the churches I have served over the past 30 years, by the musicians I have shared songs with over the last 45 years and by the friends and colleagues who have come into my life to bring wisdom, balance and hope. 

I have been blessed, too, by the wounds and sorrows that have become part of my days: they have stretched my capacity for faith, deepened my commitment to compassion and grace and helped me own the gift of mostly keeping my mouth shut in times of most conflict - especially with loved ones.  To be sure, there are times to speak up - and dance and play and mourn, too - but more often than not, the most loving and healing thing I have learned is to shut up and listen. And when I listen to the wisdom of my heart as it relates to my ministry in this church a few things are clear (and this after a wonderfully long sleep last night!)

+ "Little by little" - my mantra for my staff - has led us into some huge changes that seemed impossible when this ministry began.  There is more faith than fear today, there is more grace than judgment, too.  There is LOTS more music of every variety - from classical German hymns to Oscar Peterson jazz and U2 and Lucinda Williams - created by the whole congregation, too. 

I have come to trust St. Paul's wisdom that "now we see as through a glass darkly."  We can't know the totality of God's plan - today we only see a bit of the light - so as we move forward the only constant is that more change and light come into focus. More darkness, too.  So one thing I have learned here is to move as gently and humbly as possible because not only is it likely that I only get a small part of what is taking place, but also that I need others to help me continue towards the light.  "Little by little" - or inch by inch as Arlo sings - or peu un peu a les Quebecois!

+ There is a hunger for questioning that is alive and well here, too.  A recent survey of young evangelical folk indicated that more and more 20 somethings are leaving their churches because there isn't room to ask questions.  And they have a ton of questions about sexuality, justice, economics, God and how to make living with integrity in these mean-spirited times.

Two years ago, we had a banner on our building:  Questions Welcome Here.  But those with the most questions didn't believe us.  They thought we were full of shit just like most other churches that want their dollars but not their questioning hearts.  We still have a lot of work to do when it comes to showing the wider community that it really is true that "whoever you are - and where ever you are - on life's journey, you are welcome here."  But... we're closer than before.

+ There is a willingness to become ever more open:  we became an Open and Affirming congregation this fall.  We have opened our Sanctuary doors to the community for prayer and respite every day between 11:30 am and 1 pm.  We don't lock as many internal doors - literally and figuratively - as before.  And we are eager to make flesh our call to be a people of radical and extravagant hospitality.

And there is a sense that we can risk failing in all of this, too.  In a conversation about money and budgets yesterday, one person spoke out of fear:  spending down our endowment seems terrifying - and perhaps it is.  But two others - newer people to the community - said: Our ministry is not what is in the bank. Our ministry is here - within and among God's people - so open your heart to what is already here. And share it... because as a person new to the gathering what is taking place is beautiful.

Another said, "If we lose our endowment, let's be clear: we will not lose our ministry. Or God's loving presence in our lives." And still another said, "And if we do close shop, could that ALSO be of the Lord?  Maybe, in the future, we will be called to be Christ's church in a new way..."

I truly am blessed to be a part of this journey towards God's amazing openness...